Russia – A Walk in the Woods

You forget what silence, in its true form, actually is until you leave a city, something I hadn’t done properly for at least a year until last Saturday. Nor is it everyday that you pick several kilos of wild plum-like fruits while drinking straight from a bottle of cognac.

Following this, sitting by a roaring fire, surrounded by forest on the shore of a lake, which was apparently the result of a fallen meteorite in the distant past, the topics of conversation ranged accordingly.

For instance, our friend and guide, who at one point had disappeared into the gloom to find more bits of wood, elicited references to The Walking Dead when gunshots echoed across the lake. We could no longer see his torch.

‘Are you alive?’ we called. ‘Auuuu?’

‘Yes, yes, I’m here!’ comes the reply. ‘They’re hunters! They’re some way off’

‘This is soooo The Walking Dead.’

‘I know, all we need is to encounter some walkers, or worse, cannibals and then we’d be right at home.’

*rustles bushes and mimics a groaning flesh-eating zombie*

‘Stop it’


‘Let’s have more cognac’

‘When Hari and I were out in the woods one time, we came across a fresh bear print.’


‘Is there any more black pudding?’


‘It’s much better when it’s been over a flame.’

‘So what are we going to do with the plums, put them in vodka?’

‘We can get pure alcohol for that. It’s way cheaper and better than vodka. Give them two months or so and they’ll make a really nice drink.’

‘How much is a bottle of pure alcohol?’

‘It starts at 800 Rubles for 5 litres.’

‘So why don’t homeless people drink it?’

‘I guess that’s still kind of pricey for them.’

‘Are you sure we won’t go blind from it?’

‘No, trust me, it’s not that kind of alcohol. This is cleaner than the vodka you get in the shops. Also, we add water to it, obviously.’

‘Okay then!’

Sometime later…

‘We have to make sure it’s completely out. That was one of the rules we learned in scouts.’

*soft, spattering hiss of liquid hitting flames*

‘It’s like as if evolution thought of everything…’


‘Do you want to finish it off?’


*hisssss, sputter hisssss*

‘Where have the girls gone?’

‘They’ve gone to find a bush’


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s